It's very hard to find an equal
Sunday, Feb. 10, 2019 3:54 PM
"Don't Dream it's Over" -- Crowded House
"Strange Animal" -- Gowan
"Your Woman" -- White Town
"Estas libereco ene; ekzistas libereco sen."
Now that I have the internet, and 40GB left on my compy, it's time to do some housecleaning of my files, and get some stuff (torrenting/YT rips). I'd like to have my Bill Hicks' discography back -- and maybe see about a few Gowan albums. I've only heard three of his songs, but they're pretty solid (my fave being "Moonlight Desires" -- reminds me of Q. Blonde Diamond on Soundcloud does a rather lovely cover..).
At 6, I go to my mom's -- I'm getting some ciggie butts, because my jar is almost out (yeah, I'm one of THOSE smokers, who re-roll their butts -- I handroll to start with, anyway..).
My new friend is wavering between if he wants to date me; that doesn't inspire confidence. He says he's also not a fan of kissing. Gawd, I miss HS, when it was all about hot & heavy foreplay, and sex was a distant thought. :(
He's not gunna be thrilled that I'm basically also more firm he doesn't strike me as a dating entity for me.I have to survive my triggertime of Valentine's Day before I date anyone. I thought in the beginning he would mayyyybe be a dating partner, but as the weeks go by, since we've met, I've seen him more as a needy friend, who is very lonely. He only has a cell -- somehow he doesn't do FB, so, it's not like he has a network of people to type to.
I feel bad he essentially met me when I'm grouchy, tired and a little mean sometimes.
He sleeps at 4-6 PM, and gets up at 4-6 AM. Our hours are so opposite.
I think guys don't quite get that women are a little pickier than they are about what works for them -- just because I get along with one as a friend, it doesn't mean we'll get along in a dating situation -- or sometimes have physical chemistry. I'm very in to chemistry; if I don't feel all flushed with pheromones, I'm likely to leave that guy.
I also dislike how the guys 99% of the time have been exposed to either a lifestyle where they're the dominant one, or have witnessed "50 Shades of Grey" and want THAT. I'm not in to the sub/dom stuff -- I'm weird, I'm looking for an equal. I see my new friend, and we have pluses and minuses to each other that don't make for equal footing.
I get the feeling he has a slightly less-than-high opinion of me. We both rated each other as 8/10 for friendship; I rated him 3 as a dating choice.. but it's mostly a lack of things in common, different life choices. I know if we dated, he'd try to force me to workout, and quit cigs. He's a very nice fella, but we aren't clicking on a level I can work with for dating.
One question from him really was: "Are you a prostitute?" Wowzers. I had no idea I looked like one!
I do like his company. I just don't see it going further than friends.
Dating will have to wait until the dangerzone of Feb. passes. Even then -- I likely won't try sites, I'll just let nature bring me someone. I have a fairly attractive face, even if I'm refusing to grow my hair back for now. I would, I kno, be entirely appealing at my 122lbs self with long hair. I've since stopped wanting to appeal that way -- I'm sick of guys being in to me for looks alone. My smaller forehead betrays the fact that I'm likely smarter than the average bear.
I don't think I'm meant to find another equal for several years. Q was close, but in the end was trying to boss me around.. as usual. He also had wandering eyes, and my reaction was: "Go ahead; I won't fight for you, if you're gunna leave me for someone else" -- so, he did, and I didn't fight it.
It's very hard to find an equal; I'm a mentally ill drag king -- imagine trying to find someone with similar interests. LOL.
MOLDY OLDIES & NEW NATTERS