* In November 1988, a born entertainer was birthed in to existence; they are still extremely obscure & unknown.

* Scorpio Dragon; find me also on Insta: @thewildwillbill & @retrotechgurl.

* Former main accounts: dinosaurorgy & alienamiss; cannot get in to them -- am using this,a very old art account while I wait for 'signup' process to be solved by the site owner.

"I Can't Feel My Face" -- The Weeknd
"I'm a Mess" -- Bebe Rexha
"Indestructible" -- Matthew Good (Band? Off of "Underdogs"?)
"Counting Flowers on the Wall" -- Eric Heatherly

I spent Valentine's Day painting for the local Mental Health clinic's kitchen:

Besides that, I've done virtually nothing for days...

I've been the same level of fatigued since before the med-lowering, and just sitting at home, watching crime crap on Netflix -- generally just resenting how pooped I've been.

I finally posted a new YT video, to describe the issues I've been having lately with my meds. I see it's been a full week or so since my previous, "I'll be away" type video. I felt up to a followup video, so I suited up -- it's not entirely apparent in the shot from viewing by cellphone, but I'm not even fully-buttoned in my vest -- 168 LBS, basically -- THE heaviest I've ever been.

I've had a lot of time to space out and barely think.

Poor Panda, he must feel so neglected, since I've barely had any mind to speak to him as often, and have cancelled several outings since last week. Now we're headed in to my period -- I can't swim like that -- not a tampon fan. I'll try and make an effort to go for coffee, very soon.

My Art Patron came by Sunday -- we had a nice time: working on the comic, playing "Starfarers of Catan", and chatting. He said Sundays aren't working out, though -- the buses here are STILL shit on Sundays -- this, in 2019, drives me mad. Lyke, srsly -- get with the modern times -- people work, people have to go places.

I talked to Q the previous night, and he blew up at me. I draw the connection now, after last night's apology -- his dog has cancer, I was smoking like a chimney in our relationship: cigs = cancer, that's what got him riled up. He tore me a new asshole about every flaw in our relationship, and it blew me over. I have mostly nice memories about him; it seems his are pretty dark. Weird, since he was the optimist, and I was the downer.

This is shaping up to be my first potential sleep-dep day in over a week. I don't know when I'll pass out -- lately it's been around now. I've had a fuckton more caffeine than usual -- does that matter, really? I've been having no effect shown with coffee/teas for at least a week.

I visited my mom last night/earlier -- she let me take a little coffee, some ciggies/some butts, another bag of toilet paper from her old job.. and we chatted for about an hour. I told her that this Weds, she needs to reassert again to the health team that I'm too freakin' tired.

The Friday before now, I spent a lot of effort cleaning my place. The kitchen is back to a dive, but the rest is passably nice. I invited my broski to come visit me. I sometimes am a little wary of that, because he usually goes in to things I'm doing wrong -- but we haven't had a proper talk in like a month. Mom and I sit in her room, buried in Netflix and cigs; my broski sits out in the living room, on his compy. I surface sometimes for coffee, or a bowl of cereal -- our exhanges are brief and usually kinda not-that-deep.

I'd cleaned the apartment that Friday, in prep for Panda on Sat., but by then I had the feeling of lung/sinus infection. I suspect it came from piping butts, instead of rolling -- to preserve the stash a little longer. Since having a few more 'regular' ciggies, my lungs have stopped dredging up yellow phlegm, and gone back to the clear-with-black that I'm used to. My thoughts always go to Bill Hicks calling them "Phlegm Gems". I used to call them "Lung Butter".

Point being, Panda got blown off 2x, and my Art Patron was accepted over, mainly because he's not afraid to visit my domicile. Panda's likely seen some crime shows himself, because he seems paranoid about us visiting in each other's homes -- we ARE new in each other's lives. (I suspect his mom freaking him out more than him actually watching crime shows -- he seems easily squeamish...)

One thought, before I hit the "done" button -- Q mentioned I talk of all my friends almost like I do here -- all the friends I have have like a title -- "Art Patron", "My Best Friend", "My Activity Buddy" -- I rarely think of how I anonymize my entire cast, in real life, and online. Could all the years of being here previously (2001-2008; Dinosaurorgy, Alienamiss, etc) have made me do that..? It's almost like protecting them with anonynames so that I can't be getting them in trouble locally if I have issues with them, and don't want it reflecting on their local stature.

My set of friends I call my "Frienemies" fall in to that -- everyone here KNOWS they're trouble -- I stuck it out for a year or two, trying to be the best friend I could be for them -- they tried destroying my social life after I revealed the definition of 'polyamorous' to the female of the couple; they mistook it as me hitting on them, trying for a 3some. All I wanted was for the girl to know a definition that may shed some light on herself.I had no intent to break them up -- just gave her a word. Wanted her to be smart about how her heart worked.

I'm just not the homewrecking type. (Can't say the same for the girl Q left me for.. she left HIM, essentially immediately -- my bet? She wanted the taken, not the available.) Haaa -- I can tell the fight with Q made me a little bitter, too...

I'm glad I'm not as vengeful anymore. It's delicious to hurt someone after you've been hurt, but it's painful too -- when you get the guilt of destroying someone. Was it Louis CK who said "Guys will destroy your stuff -- a girl will destroy your soul"? Makes me feel like the Billy Joel song I identify with -- "Always a Woman": "She'll destroy your faith with a casual lie" -- I'm not usually a faith-ruiner, but I'm usually one to stir doubt in people who are "sure" about things in life.

NOW I'm rambling. We're done for this entry.