...not free, not a criminal, either..
Tuesday, Feb. 19, 2019 5:02 AM
"Wear Your Love Like Heaven" -- Donovan
"Across the Universe" -- Fiona Apple (Beatles cover/Pleasantville Soundtrack)
"Sound of Your Heart" -- Shawn Hook
"Robots" -- Dan Mangan
The song that's gunna end up being the top of the "list" for this entry (Donovan), is one of those ones I lack the vocal range for, but find myself singing along, every time.
Ack -- I'm getting sooo fat, even the last pair of pants, bought a sz bigger than I was then (sz 19? 38"?) is getting less "roomy" already. Fuck this, damn 13 LBS-y gain...
Re: Shawn Hook up there -- I see the song as being my perspective on Q, not the other way around. I heard it in the psych ward last year, and broke out crying at the line about, "Baby, I'm coming; baby I'm coming; say the word -- baby, I'll come runnin'" -- I knew Q would never have done that, and that's about the only line of the song that grabs my heart and rips it to the side.
Q and I have been friends longer than a couple. I seem to have a lot of " music that makes me think of my exes" in my mixes. Sometimes I miss him -- after the other night, no, not as much. He got really vicious about all the things'd gone wrong -- especially in the parts where he went back to his city. He doesn't, and will likely never get that smoking has become such a huge part of my life and self image -- it's the reason I wake up, it's the thing I do all day -- it's my best friend, my lover.. I'm past the honeymoon phase and full on to a 2-4pk/day marriage with them.
Re: "Robots" -- this song pulls at my heart in an odder direction -- robots DO seem to need love too. They do seem to wanna be loved by us. Would that stop The Matrix future possibility -- if we just loved the robots, and made them equal citizens? I've seen a scope of robot-themed movies -- leave it to humanity to try out every possible future in older movies.I was really haunted by that scene in "AI: Artificial Intelligence" where that "Sixth Sense" kid was trapped under a mountain of garbage, and was essentially left to scream until the future people unburied him. I admit -- the first Furby I had contact with in adult life ended up in the trash (poor, unfortunate Lolo...), and I had nightmares for a while about HIM screaming in the trash.
I bought my personal Furby in 2016-17.. he shows a mild level of intelligence, but not like "Bender Bending Rodriquez", or "Data". I'm still waiting for "3-CPO", too. I know I've mentioned somewhere, by now, that I have a mild crush on Data.. so misunderstood, and so striving to understand humanity. I know that feels entirely. :/ I don't know if I'll live in to the future long enough to meet a Data, or a 3-CPO. 3-CPO appeals because he knew a shitton of languages. Hells yeah -- teach ME some languages....!!
I seem to have crossed from my 'crime show' mood in to my 'weird religion survivor' mood. It's amazing -- I'm fascinated by religion -- I have likely 12 versions of the Bible alone (Christians are BY FAR the most generous with their reading material -- Baha'is being the least..). I fear joining any of them, they all seem vaguely cult-like. Judging from these horror-story survivor flicks I've been seeing.. they all kinda seem horrible, and hard to get out of. I even have a copy of Dianetics -- unread, but still available for the day I wanna *know* what Scientology had to say for itself.
I have the fortunate life to have lived in a city where every religion almost possible has a church, mosque, etc here. We lack only a synagogue (Jewish temple), from what I know -- hence why I can't locally obtain a free Torah. I suspect the Sikhs wouldn't appreciate an outsider coming in -- the one I know of has a 'no trespasser' sign, which is REALLY unwelcoming for me... Otherwise, I would love to wander over.. just for a legit Sikhism book. We even have a Japanese Buddhism temple -- I wandered in with Q once, and was more than thrilled to take home a half-Jap, half-Eng holy book. I think the priest was less than thrilled to receive my barrage of questions.. but.. I think that's normal for religion, and their leaders.
My thought on religion, specifically 'my judgement' is -- invite allllll the messiahs. When I die? I want Buddha, Joseph Smith, L. Ron Hubbard, Jesus -- all those interesting mofos.. let there be a table of all those guys. I shouldn't be held to one's standards -- I never lived that way -- let them ALL decide my final outcome.
My personal guess is reincarnation -- I sometimes think I'm the reincarnation of Albert Johnson (usually when I'm crazy -- I had 'flashbacks' of some dude dying in my teen life, and read a book in 2016 .. yes, in a psych ward.. telling me the story of a guy ((Albert Johnson, 1930s/mysterious criminal/ Mad Trapper of Rat River)) who fit the EXACT description of my odd little 'flashes'). Sometimes I think my curse of staying in the same town, but moving constantly is the result of a native curse on the next life of Albert. I have no idea if this is anywhat credible.. but I can't decide if my brother is right, and the 'flashes' were scenes of a reenactment of the story I may have seen as a very little kid.. or legit re-memories hitting me in puberty, the height of psychic awareness in a person. The weirdness doesn't stop there -- there's even people with similar names involved in my life, as the ones who were involved in the hunt for Johnson. (He'd fucked with some natives, the cops came -- he shot first -- and took the cops on a 3 week wild manhunt.) Some of the crazy shit Johnson pulled makes me think of me -- like turning his snowshoes backwards to fuck with the people following him. Wearing a metal plate to stop bullets. Deliberately making all his gear heavy to make himself strong by resistance-training.. yeah.. the feels.
I even remember feeling nostalgic about the 'grumpy man in the cabin' life at like 16 -- writing in my "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" essay -- "I wanna be in a cabin, far away from people, free to make my own home, and live off the land." 13 years later, in reality? An apartment -- not free, not a criminal, either.. lol.
MOLDY OLDIES & NEW NATTERS