Not self-reliant all-year-round..
Wednesday, Feb. 13, 2019 12:16 AM
"Desert Rose" -- Sting
I've got a headache, but I'll be going to sleep very soon. I pushed myself to stay awake this long, to try and prevent me waking up at 5-Goddamn-AM again.
My aunt lent some money to me; she's clearly pissed I asked. She blamed the internet -- I don't even pay the FIRST bill for this until next week; I've HAD the internet a week by this point. I was a little irked. She doesn't get I'm saving money by not having a shitty data deal with my phone provider. Just.. not until next week. I fucked up, and thought payday was this week -- it's not.
I asked, mainly because I didn't think she'd give me the 3rd degree for grocery moola. No, I was wrong. She's her usual strongheaded self. She doesn't get that my financial situation is dire enough that I won't have money to feed me the whole month, and I'm horrified by the Food Bank -- half rotten, barely any of the real essentials, limited choices. I stopped going, and started selling things on FB (which initially worked) to keep me afloat.
I don't like asking for money. And getting the 3rd degree is stuff that leads me to look to more dangerous situations/not as healthy places for a source of income. I'll never ask my aunt again, because she threw in my face something that wasn't even affecting the problems THIS week. I'm not impressed with myself, and I'm not thrilled by her reaction.
I couldn't very well ask my dad 2x in a month for help. I really have no one to help me, and I see why things got so dire in winter, 2017. I'm not happy with people being suspicious and rude if I need a bit of help. I'm not on Disability because I WANTED to be, I'm on this system as a backup for when I'm unable to work -- which is now. My richer relatives really shit on me sometimes when I need a few bucks. Dad doesn't always, but I can tell he thinks I'm a failure for not being 100% self-reliant all-year-round.
Fuck. So grouchy now.
Time to put on crime shows, and try to sleep.
MOLDY OLDIES & NEW NATTERS