* In November 1988, a born entertainer was birthed in to existence; they are still extremely obscure & unknown.

* Scorpio Dragon; find me also on Insta: @thewildwillbill & @retrotechgurl.

* Former main accounts: dinosaurorgy & alienamiss; cannot get in to them -- am using this,a very old art account while I wait for 'signup' process to be solved by the site owner.

"I'm a Mess" -- Bebe Rexha
"Drew Barrymore" -- Bryce Vine
"Stand Back" -- Stevie Nicks (1991 Remix)

"You need everyone's eyes just to feel seen" -- Mike Posner, "Cooler than Me"

I wanna pause here to give a shoutout to those of you who posted notes re: my hospital incident. Thank you for the concern; I love the tight-knit feel of this site -- it seems we're all buddies, in some ways. I'm ok today, and I'll be better once I get the blister pack of changes, tomorrow.

I hope I can work soon; it looks like it will be nigh summer before I'm cleared for a legit job, and not just peddling sock monkeys.

((This is "Mr. Blues"; his eyes are over 60 years old, and he didn't sell because people found him spooky. I think he looks like a jazz saxist.. needs more clothes, and a mini toy sax.))

They're "cute", but no longer selling. Everyone requesting them wants a free one (they ARE kinda pricy -- $20-$25 depending on sock size, and a further $5-10 for clothes).

I'm in the middle of being too tired to do things like the sock monkeys. I'm terribly bored from my low energy lately. Today feels like the better day out of the last 7. I've been able to get distracted by my compy ("Jane Fraischanputer" -- my old one was "Jack Dinoputer"; all my best objects have names.), enough to slow my smoking cigs a little.

I'm being blunt about not seeing my new friend as a boyfriend option. I sometimes wish I were a little better at diplomatic bomb-dropping verbally, but I'm quite brutally honest sometimes. It's not like he's stupid; he's ok to look at, but won't let me draw him -- that's offputting also -- everyone in my life deals with me capturing them as doodles.

Here comes the 'proof' phase of this talk, where he tries telling me why he'd make a good boyfriend -- I'm sad for him here. I hate this part; I know he'd treat me well, likely spoil me. I don't need someone paying my bills and food. I need to be an adult and pay for myself. I shouldn't get too comfy with someone financially taking over. That bugs me too much. It makes me feel incompetent with money.

I don't think guys get that modern women wanna stand on their own feet, financially. Letting him pay for coffee and activities is one thing; bills and food is another. I also intend to pay him back with trips out when I can/handmade objects. An example of female empowerment for me actually comes from the unusual source of Anna Nicole Smith, who didn't marry her very-rich, elderly husband until she'd made a name for herself.

He's wary of women; he seems to be like my brother -- very kind, and very good. But, I think like my brother, women take advantage of his kindliness. I have no intentions of being just another golddigger. I dislike that idea, entirely. It's not that he's rich, he just has less bills than me.

This month's paycheck is gunna be a slim one, between getting the internet/planning to lower my phone plan. I have to wait for the 12th for the cellplan to change. He's stressing me out, like my YT coach about money. He wants me to have $$ for our outings, but doesn't grasp that I NEVER have that. And, this check is being eaten by bills, food, rent, and cigs. Every month is like that; I don't make extra if I can't work. And work is far away now.

My credit card is being taken over by about the 6th creditor in 5-6 years. I don't pay it, unless I'm working. I don't HAVE $50-y to drop on it per month -- and the companies change all the time, so my payments get swallowed unpaid a lot. So.. I dunno. They're back to phoning me every-3-days ish. I tell them, perhaps a little rudely, that I've been poor for like 3 years. They usually just as rudely tell me: "Well, the phone calls will still happen."

How I was ever cleared for a credit card and overdraft while on Disability, I'll never know. The debt on both has haunted my ass since 2014. I'm about $2-3k in the hole with them. I know others who were given *3* or more credit cards -- we make for good debt accruancy -- we never do get to pay $1k-4k debts for the rest of our lives. It just hangs over our heads.

Anyway; this is also getting long. I had no idea when I re-entered D-land I'd be back to novellaesque posts again.